Whole Numbers and Fractions

Eclipse and I had a pretty fantastic weekend despite the bath incident. For me, our progress in the past few weeks has felt like a something more along the lines of a fairy tale more than reality.

I wrote a while back about my frustration with Eclipse’s complete disinterest in me and anything we did together here. It seemed like a cruel joke at the time. How could a horse known for being the most able and willing to bond with their owner completely hate me? Of course I’m projecting my social insecurities a bit by trying to associate an animal’s instinctual responses to my human circumstance, but still, it was beginning to hurt.

So, since I moved him, things have really started to change. It’s as if the entire past year didn’t even happen and it’s more of a blurry memory of a dream than actual reality. He’s just so...different. But I’m realizing that it’s not just him—it’s me, too.

My riding instructor wrote me an e-mail with the following statement when we were discussing my goals with Eclipse regarding the move:

“You appear to be an overachiever to me and sometimes that personality expects too much too fast.  On the other hand its part of what makes you an amazing person and will make you an amazing horse person as well.

Well- guess what?  Arabs are overachievers too.  They can be hard to work with because they are so good at outsmarting us.  We discussed when {Eclipse’s trainer} was working with him that you tend to think in whole numbers instead of fractions.  We'll start with your fractions!

I do believe he has a sensitive personality and it may very well be that he resents the other horses getting more attention.”

I think I read that email a dozen times with my jaw to the floor because I had never realized...she is exactly right. I tend to hold certain standards and expectations for a bigger picture without really taking the time to address the smaller elements involved to create that bigger picture, but I never realized how much that affected my relationship with Eclipse.

I took her advice to heart and we have really worked on things from the ground up. I’m treating this move as a fresh start, as I did with Tom when we moved out of our stress-infested loft into our relaxed, albeit unfinished, new semi-private loft. The parallels between the two moves are uncanny. Tom and I are more relaxed around each other than we’ve been since we moved her and Eclipse is finally interested in my existence...but it’s so much more than that. I don’t have the space or attention span to make a true comparison of the two in this post, but I’ll share the other side of the story in the near future.

All it took was a little patience. It’s been almost a month now and I’ve noticed more about my little pony in this short time period than the entire year leading up to it. Granted, there is a TON of work left to do and we are only scratching the surface, but I feel we have finally gone a step in the right direction.

I started by simply slowing down. My instructor has advised me that better prep allows for better lessons, which of course is true, but not something I had ever really appreciated until now. Instead of jumping out of my car, wrangling him in for a quick brush, ride and run, I’m just taking my time...

Instead of walking to him in the paddock I wait by the gate until he decides to come to me—and he does. Instead of starting by riding, we’re doing natural horsemanship ground work and games—and it’s working. Instead of just grooming and tacking, we’re also massaging and stretching—and it’s working. Instead of un-tacking and sending him back to his paddock, we’re spending time in a grassy lot to graze and have lunch together. We’re running around together without the lead—and it’s amazing. I can actually feel his honest interest in what we do together. I can see his interest in me—finally!

I think it started with the massage and stretches. You can read more about that from the post I wrote addressing the first session, but I can’t stop thinking about it. It has been marvelous seeing Eclipse make those adorable faces when I scratch or massage just the right spot. It’s embarrassing to admit I never took the time to really find these “happy places” until now.   I can see his eyes light up when I put the “happy brush” to his nose and ears. I giggle in-spite of myself. His happiness is mine.

Then I grab our training stick and lead and get to work on some of the exercises our trainer showed me. I start out by playing the “friendly game”, rather, rubbing the stick on his back, shoulders neck and legs and allowing the string and lead rope to do the same. Before he falls asleep we work on some other techniques I learned to help desensitize him to the snaps and cracks from the string and he totally gets it. He’s patient and understands nothing is going to hurt him, even if the stick and string sound scary sometimes. We’ve done this a few times, but last Saturday was a real break through.

We played the normal games...we lunged, hid the hinny, yielded the shoulder, side-passed along the fence line in both directions and really worked up a sweat. I decided to do something different this time, though. I let him off the lead to run around and do as he pleased without me being attached. First, he ran off the the side of the arena where his friends were, but they paid him no attention, so he ran up and down the fence line. I called to him and he trotted over.

This is where every sound in my world was sucked away. I was holding my breath in disbelief. I held out my hand and he placed his soft little nose in my palm. I smiled.

I picked up my right arm and pointed. I then raised the stick in my left and and sent him around to the right and he went. He circled me a few times before he left the circle. I called him again and he came back. We went through this several times, increasing the pace, slowing the pace, pushing him to other areas of the arena and calling him back again.

Then, finally, I put down the stick and kissed to him. He came to my shoulder and I walked away. He followed. I turned to the left. He followed. I turned completely around. He followed. I walked to the scary side of the area, and he followed! I started to jog and he trotted along with me! We were Dancing! I was in tears.

I was so happy. I threw my arms around him and laughed, heaving with joy. He licked and chewed and nuzzled my shoulder gently without knocking me over. I had butterflies under my skin and a sweet buzzing in my head. We were different. We were hearing each other for the first time. I thanked him for waiting on me.

That was Saturday...stay tuned for Sunday.